nOtice

well then.. lets have a go at this again.

in the last couple of days that i havnt been blogging ive noticed ive been in a lot of denial about things. Denial with a mix of negligence and a hint of abandonment. Which is why i decided to make several changes in the way i live and minor alterations here and there.

Money has been a pain for several years now. i cant seem to budget or save or simply handle my income. It seems to be my biggest problem and yet its the one i seem to neglect the most. I dont know when ill learn to manage my money, or lack of.

My relationship with food is just crazy, its an abusive love/hate relationship... i tend to eat everything in sight even when im not hungry. Ive read and watched several informants in regards to healthy eating etc and none of them seem to register. However today i saw something that really caught my attention more than anything else. I think ill start applying what i learned to hopefully gain some self control.

I wish i grew up being a swimmer, baseball, basketball, some kind of sport player instead im a pile of undeveloped muscles. I have no body strength what so ever and its kinda sad haha. I accept i can absolutely do something about it but ive been lazy all my life, which sounds horrible. Even typing it makes me cringe... Recently ive been to the gym... ok like once, over a week ago. Im somewhat proud of it cos i tried at-least.. even though i woke up feelin crap for the next 3 days, but i gained a confidence i lacked when i went to the gym previous times. Thanks to the help of a friend i learned some stuff.. but i've got more to learn and once is nothing to what ive yet to accomplish. i just need to be strict.

Has the world been infected with inconsiderate, selfish people? It seems as if a majority of people i know would rather drop good friends for whatever sounds better that minute. I feel like i make a big effort to try and be friends with some people who wouldn't. Even though it shouldn't bother me, it does. That's just my nature i suppose?

the list could go on... these are just things ive noticed as of late.

sweets

Ive been so miserable for the last 24 hours. why does it hurt trying to be buff! i can't stretch my arms or properly drive with out feeling like me arms are being torn off. Im just about ready to give up and declare chubby for life. At least i can eat chips and chocolate and be warm and comfy as well as lonely with high standards that'll get me no where haha. just kidding.. hopefully itll go away with constant work

but on that note i really want these sunglasses:

Final thought: i don't really care for how things changed between me and someone. i understand its different but i didn't think it'd end up like that. i figured it'd withstand all that. Im my own person, i wasn't part of that situation. i kept it separate.

watch out.

tightrOpe

Oh Janelle Monae... i love her. Not only is she unique but she is stylish and is so raw. Her vocals and the way she flows is on point. She expresses her personality and exudes confidence, a trait many don't have...

Off top, im not one to trip. I used to dwell and stress on things. I made it a point not to focus on negativity and worry bout shit. However when something bugs me ill speak on it. What i dont understand and really bothers me is when people are so uptight and worry so much about what others think about them. Maybe it comes with age because i suppose i used to have that mind set. Now its like fuck it who cares? Whats the point of acting like someone you clearly arent? idk i can read through people sometimes. Nevermind... lol. enjoy the video tho.

itinerary

being pitted down against my will back at home has got me feelin a bit under the weather. The lack of funds don't make it any better either. Its as if ill never see the light at the end of this narrow tunnel. I like me in vacation mode a lot better, the farmers tan nottt so much.

Only thing that brings me comfort are the spontaneous adventures with the #fam, RTB, Crystal Castles, and pOpscenes summer line up. I'm lookin' to make a dent this summer by making it memorable. Even if our summer plans don't go through, fuck it ill take what comes my way, with good company that is, and of course with denim button ups, denim cut off shorts, plaid button ups, fedoras, wayfarers/clubmasters ill welcome a good sun-glass tan why not? itll go with my farmers tan.

I can't forget about my treasured huaraches ive yet to conquer... damn you Jeffrey Campbell and your expensive yet really good taste. If i don't cash out now.. its pretty much never.

So here's to the beginning of summer, being smart, getting out of debt, trying to accomplishing a tan, dustin off the fixie ive neglected and forgotten about, cheap champagne and cigarettes, to making more friends with good taste, catching up with old friends, and looking good doin' it.